It's October 1st and what many of you don't know is that the 1st is when you should go to Astrologyzone.com. It's FREE!! My VBFF and mentor told me about this site when she was an editor at Glamour and said all the gals by the water cooler swore by it. Susan Miller is the site's resident Oracle and has recently become a contributing editor at Elle Magazine as well. But before you read what dramas, miracles and romances await you, spoiler alert: this site downright prophetic and will pretty much tell you the next bag of shit God has up her sleeve for you. My forecast is always a week off but after a few months, you know what to expext. Sometimes I don't even read it; Why the hell do I want to know in advance that the entire month is going to suck because Saturn is screwing me in every possible direction imaginable or Mercury wants to make me feel like my ankles are sinking into concrete while I try to get through the day without something breaking or screwing up?

Needless to say, September blew monkey chunks. It sucked big time but the good news is that it inspired me to write my new novel: "Men are Assholes, Women are from Venus." If you have ever watched "Big Love" you may understand when I say that the idea of living with two or three sassy "sister wives" to juggle one big, dopey, meathead husband between us sounds FANTASTIC. I have also decided that 8k for my car is not enough money to start a new life Costa Rica with sweet kids in tow who like their friends too much to leave anyways.

I'm not a big believer in anything spiritual that's actually organized (like every other poser-intellectual) but this I believe: (Jay Allison, are you reading this?) I believe that if you believe in Santa, Buddha, Jesus, Zeus, Mohammad or Mickey Mouse that it is valid and real just because you believe in it. I also believe that Ira Glass, Howard Stern, and Teri Gross are on the beach somewhere together drinking Mojitos because not one of those freeloaders is predictably LIVE on the radio anymore. I swear if any of them pulled new content out of their bums I'd have a heart attack.

I digress... read Susan's October forecast and decide for yourself. Hopefully October is better for you than September was for me.