I implore you NOT to buy these online. You can surely find them at a local store in your neck of the woods. Click on the picture to go to a store locator. My husband calls these "tennis shoes," which is hysterical. He does not play tennis (he's from Alaska!), nor do the brats. So when he tells them to put on their "tennis shoes," all I can imagine is the three of them drinking unsweetened iced tea in white v-neck sweaters and calling each other "Champy." I'm such a snot that I usually pile on to Dad's request with something like, "and after your done putting on your 'tennies,' we'll finish up those early applications to Harvard."

I rarely pay 42 bucks for anything, but these are made by Simple and are so "Jan Brady-esque" that I couldn't leave the store without them. They are called Kid's Satire Suede and ours are purple suede with neon orange laces. They have other colors (and other cool shoes, of course) for Peter Brady wannabes too.

There's even a less satirical but highly amusing reason to buy these outrageously eco-friendly shoes: The suede is from an eco-certified tannery (what-the?), they have certified organic cotton lining and laces, and the inserts are made of post-consumer recycled paper. But here's the punchline—two different parts of these shoes are made from old car tires the company claims to have personally saved from a dump! Just imagine the patchulli oil–scented receptionist coming in from a clove cigarette break carrying a couple tires on each arm. Hey, you're not just buying a cool pair of shoes that remind you of your very own awkward and moderately traumatic memories of the seventies, you are buying "Gur-reeeen" and that's another opportunity to make Al Gore smile.